The Trials & Tribulations of an Addict
#1
I am an addict.
I am high right now.
I am very rarely not high. If I’m not high as a matter of fact, I am almost always asleep. I really can not remember the last chunk of time I spent sober. Like truly sober. Off every fucking thing. Right now I am using meth. Heroin. Drinking pina’s ( my hooch) Smoking cigs. And I smoked a $30 of crack 5 hours ago. Dont get it twisted. I am not sitting here bragging on this behavior. Nor am I looking for any fucking accolades. Really quite the opposite. I decided for the first time in my adult life since I began down the road that is addiction, that I would be flat out no holes barred fucking honest.
(God damn it anyway I am sitting here on my very very broken kinda half smart phone and I have, since I started writing this blog, already red buttoned 5 spam likely calls. These are the product, most likely, of me trying to sign up for shit on line where I thought I’d be able to make a buck or maybe get some shit for free. Non of which has even come remotely close to fucking happening btws.)
I guess I am hoping to empower with this all truth be told blog of my dirty, wicked ways.... Empower whom you ask? Ahahahah well all of you’s but I guess maybe hopefully (I think) even myself.
So anyway I am tired. I didn’t sleep last night. Nor the night before. Truth be told (which I guess I am going to be saying this a lot so let’s just go with tbt from now on) I don’t sleep a lot. I usually stay up for 2 to 3 solid nights and days (lest the nodding out that I do from the lines of H that I snort... Something my husband absolutely adores seeing me do )And then tbt when I finally just pass the fuck clean out or when I am sitting dry.... Dry dry dry like 100% out of every damn thing I use to inhibit my state of mind, I usually stay asleep for at least a solid 13–15 hours. I generally after that first chunk will get up, take a leak, smoke a half a cig, do a line of h (because after that long my body is already in withdrawal mode and the only reason I was even able to sleep through the dt’s, is again, because I was so sleep deprived prior to the beginning of the hibernation. And then I generally.. no., Then I almost always rack the fuck back out for another 10 hours to 2 days.
Like super normal behavior there right? How you just gonna loose all contact with the outside world TOTALLY for a 2 to 3 day period and then explain that away once you do awaken again? (Man shit I was feeling really sick. Damn I dropped my phone again and haven’t been able to get it to turn on for a couple of days now. ..) all of those usual suspects used to be my go to’s, however it just happens often enough now that I don’t really explain it away anymore. Shit who the fuck is checking in with me often enough anymore to need to have to explain it anyway.
So anyway, I want to have this be like. My. memoirs, and a lot of it will be hella funny, and that’s all fine I just want to make sure my stories don’t lead anyone to trying any kind of drugs or doing anything of the sort... I don’t mean to glamorize drug use with this blog at all just to put my tall tales put there for others to hopefully enjoy.... Or at least know how they don’t want to act themselves!
Maybe I’ll end this first one on that note. ... No accountability leaves Nicole giving zero fucks. It’s not okay and it’s a bold faced excuse but it is non the less the honest truth.
